Very engaging story! I could picture the scene, what kind of weather it was that day, and how Lily felt as she stayed home alone for the first time. Reading the story brought a memory to mind of my first time staying home alone, too!
Your punctuation was beautiful. Your HANDWRITING WAS AWESOME. Awesome expressing with ideas. Also I love how you tried to put a two page story into one page.
I like how you used your word choice very carefully.I also liked how you described what was going on around you. I also liked your choice of dialog. It made me laugh out loud(literlay)
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I like your word choice. I like when you said I yelled in victory!
ReplyDeleteI like how you used dialogue.
ReplyDeleteYour punctuation is awesome and perfect!
ReplyDeleteThe title of your book is pretty cool. Your spelling is really great!
ReplyDeleteYour word choice is exciting
ReplyDeleteI liked when you said you were home alone because when you are home alone you can do anything! I relate to being home alone.
ReplyDeleteWhen the leaves crunched and the wind blew, I felt like I could hear those too.
ReplyDeleteI liked the heart of your story and how you explaned it with great puncuation.
ReplyDeleteYour punctuation and periods are all in just the right place. That makes it very easy to understand.
ReplyDeleteVery engaging story! I could picture the scene, what kind of weather it was that day, and how Lily felt as she stayed home alone for the first time. Reading the story brought a memory to mind of my first time staying home alone, too!
ReplyDeleteI agree! wonderful story and I loved your sensory language!!
DeleteYour supporting details were wonderful and very descriptive!
ReplyDeleteYour use of dialogue entertained me.
ReplyDeleteYour introducton and conclusion is extrodinary.It grabs my attention.
ReplyDeleteYour punctuation was beautiful. Your HANDWRITING WAS AWESOME. Awesome expressing with ideas. Also I love how you tried to put a two page story into one page.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your dialouge and your voice, it reminds me when I was alone and heard noises.
ReplyDeleteIt was awesome not using show not tell!!!
ReplyDeleteyour punctuation was beautiful.I loved when you discribed the bushes rustled
ReplyDeletei love your HANDWRITING and punctuation and grammer is fantastic.
ReplyDeleteYour ending was AMAZING!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the part where you said it whas very nerve racking.
AMAZING word choice. I give you five out of five stars
great writers voise and punctuation and awesome drafting and fantastic ending with exellent spelling!!!!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteWow! Lily, I loved your story. My class and I read it together after lunch.
ReplyDeleteI loved all the wonderful words you used to describe the sounds you heard outside and how you didn't use the word, "said".
Thank you so much Ms. Noonan
DeleteI loved it when you "Yelled" "I'm home alone for the first time!" I really (10x) loved that!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the suspense in your story! Your choice of words created a vivid picture and I look forward to your next story.
ReplyDeleteLily, I wanted to share with you the comments I received from my class.
ReplyDeleteEthan liked how you used your exclamation marks.
Alley liked how you were surprised when you were by yourself at home.
Nik liked when you said, "hiss" after you heard the teenagers.
Alyssa liked the drama in your story.
Lorenzo liked how you left space after the end of each sentence before you started the new sentence.
Aiden liked your handwriting.
Erick liked how you talked about reading a book in your story.
Regina thinks your story is very interesting.
Jacob liked how you told what sounds you heard that caused you to go look out the window.
Shakaira thought your story was funny.
Juliette thought it was interesting that you didn't hear your mother's car door at the end of the story.
Victoria liked the way you write so neatly and your story was easy to read.
Brenden liked how you put your story title in quotation marks.
Hailie liked how well your words are spelled.
Jorge liked how well you wrote your name in cursive at the top.
hey lily can you help me out 0-0
DeleteI liked how you used show not tell
ReplyDeleteThis was such a fantastic story. You used lots of descriptive words that made me feel like I was there. Great job and keep up the good work!
ReplyDeletecongrats lily you have so many comments!Everything in your story happens to me alot.great punctuation.
ReplyDeleteI agree on you kailey.
DeleteI love your heart.Because you really express your feelings.
ReplyDeleteI love your show NOT tell and neat legible handwriting
ReplyDeletelily i loved your story i loved how you used show not tell keep rockn rollin i loved just loved it
ReplyDeleteMe to
DeleteI love how you yelld im home alone at last
ReplyDeleteneat handwriting beside
ReplyDeletelove your handwriting
and your story love
it ^-^.
I LOVED how you described everything!!!!!!!! I also loved the part you yelled in victory.
ReplyDeleteI like how you put or penode
ReplyDeleteI LOVE your conclusion.
ReplyDeleteI <3this story
ReplyDeletei loved your punctuaion and your handwriting.
ReplyDeletefabulas handwriting lilly
ReplyDeleteI Loved This Storyy(:
ReplyDeleteI loved your show not tell!!!!! And how you yelled in victory.
ReplyDeleteYou have such an amazing vocabulary! It made your story very fun to read. I look forward to reading more stories from you.
ReplyDeleteI loved your story. I liked the way you described your surroundings. Great word choices.
ReplyDeleteYour introducton grabbed my attension
ReplyDeleteGood job! I enjoyed reading your story.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you revising and editing and your periods
ReplyDeleteI love your authors voice and you did not say said
ReplyDeleteI LIKED YOUR HAND WRITEING and your showed but not tell.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you said that you were so deep in your book that you did not notice that your mom was home.
ReplyDeletei loved your intro you brought me in your story
ReplyDeletegood job with your punctuation[;
ReplyDeletei liked your hand writing. And the way you got your details
ReplyDeleteI <3 the way you described all the sounds in your story!!!!!!!!!Keep writing Lily!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI loved your vocabualary. Your story hooked me up!!!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE WHEN YOU YELLED I'M HOME FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME.
ReplyDeleteLily your story is interest awesome.
ReplyDeletelove your story and handwriting!!!!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE that you exclaimed JUST TEENAGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteGreat sensory details
ReplyDeleteGreat punctuation Lily!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletei wish i had a story like that.it was amazing!!!!
ReplyDeletei like when you yelled i`m home for the first time
ReplyDeleteYou express your feelings
ReplyDeleteI love your diouloge
ReplyDeleteI LIKE YOUR STORY BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE I'M IN THE STORY WITH YOU.I CAN PICTURE THE VOICE OF YOUR MOM.
ReplyDeleteyour story was fantastic lily.
ReplyDeleteI love your diuologe!!!
ReplyDeletelove how you did descrise your surringg +3+
ReplyDeletei liked how you used your word choice.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you used it was "victory" at once.
ReplyDeleteI liked your conclusion because it made it meaningful.
ReplyDeleteI loved your word choice when you told me,they were just teenagers.your a awesome auther(:
ReplyDeleteI loved it but i think you need more great words
ReplyDeleteI loved your dialogue and authors voice.
ReplyDeleteI agree lily It was nerve-racking in my new house!!!!
ReplyDeleteI like how you used your word choice very carefully.I also liked how you described what was going on around you. I also liked your choice of dialog. It made me laugh out loud(literlay)
ReplyDeleteI liked how you used the words "nerve racking"
ReplyDelete