Monday, February 27, 2012

Featured Author: Tina (click here)

My first featured author today is Tina.  She wrote a story about a time things did not go the way she planned.  Please notice the strategies she used to organize her paper into paragraphs.

Understanding that she is aiming to publish a story that is only one page long, next time I would encourage Tina to find a few places in the middle of her paper to revise and trim down.  I love the beginning and end of her story and would encourage her not to remove any of her introduction, conclusion, or heart.






Please provide positive feedback for our authors.
Comment as "Name/URL"
Students - use your first name only, leave URL blank and press publish.

35 comments:

  1. Tina....You made me feel so sad for you. I am sad that you didn't get the present you wanted so badly, but I am happy that you know how to catch a reader's attention with your "heart". As the reader I could feel your dissapointment with the Barbie gift...Great Job!

    My daughter's birthday is next weekend....YIKES...I hope I get her what she really wants for her birthday!

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  2. I love your heart of the story.

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  3. your ending was awesome

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  4. I love how you did not use not a seangle dead word.

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  5. I liked how you said your present was a lame Barbie and how you used correct punctuation

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  6. I wish you would've got a Nintendo3Ds but awesome story

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  7. great intro and conclusion

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  8. The way you stayed on topic was amazing!!! Some people like to drift off and talk about a little details. I felt bad that you didn't get what you want, but it's nice to know that your family cares about you.

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  9. I am sorry you didn't get what you wanted.

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  10. Your word choice was amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  11. I love the way you said that your gigantic cake could not fit inside the fridge.

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  12. I love your show NOT tell

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  13. I LOVED when you stated I stacked the presents like a huge cake.

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  14. Your story HOOKED ME UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    Replies
    1. It got me hooked too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  15. I love your handwriting and the way you described how huge your cake was!!!!!!!!!!I liked how you used show not tell because you did a awesome job with it!!!!!!!Your story was fun to read. keep on writing Tina!!!

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  16. I loved your punctuation!!!!!.Tina great story keep it up!!!!!!!

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  17. I like the part when said what in a furrious voice

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  18. I love the part when you said you felt like you were getting older

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  19. I LOVE THE WAY YOU USED PUNCUATION IN YOUR BEUTIFUL STORY AND USING SUPPORTING DETAILS

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  20. I know that all the time you see my handwriting you keep saying that it is better than your handwriting,but that is not true,your's is.I like the way you started your introduction with a question and did not answer it,so instead you told the story.You hooked me!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you,I got hooked to my own story.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  21. great story but sorry bout ur 3ds >3<

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  22. I like how you wrote your title

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  23. I loved how you said at the end what you appreciate what you mom gave you for your birthday

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  24. I felt like I was there with you. I was hooked and wanted to read more.

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  25. I LOVED HOW YOU USED GRAMMER AND PUNCTUATION

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  26. I like how you said that your cake didn't fit in the frige.that must be a huge cake!!!.

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  27. Your story was funny and i like how you said you wanted to get a Nintendo3DS.I want one too.

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  28. Tina I like the part when you said WHAT when your mom got you a barbie doll.

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  29. i like how you reaveld your hart and your hart and you used no dead words

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  30. I loved your story.I liked the part when you said you did not wont a lame barbie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  31. AWESOME HEART I LIKED HOW YOU SAID I GUESS I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO NOTICED I AM GETTING OLDER

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On a Desktop Computer:
Comment as "Name/URL"
Students - use your first name only and leave URL blank
Press publish.

On a mobile device:
Choose "Anonymous"
Then put your name at the end of your comment
Example: "I love your meaningful conclusion! - Mr.Adams"
Press publish.